So, it turns out I've been wearing it backwards or over my eyes or around my ankles or something, because it's not working. There are no super powers. I'm not super-woman or super-mom or super-anything. Yeah, who knew. I apparently can't do it all. So I had an emotional breakdown a couple weeks ago. I woke up one morning & knew that if I walked into my office I would quit and just walk out...I knew that wasn't a normal response for me so I walked into a counselor's office instead. He told me all the things I already know but don't do. I have to take time for myself. I have to have actual conversations with people about issues rather than just keeping it all in. I have to relax.
So I have been. I let Hannah have a pink highlighter in the car on the way to Salem...she colored all over her legs and I didn't freak out!! How's that for relaxed? I've planned time for me to do some quilting with a friend. And, thanks to my husband, I'm going to learn to knit! (He & Hannah bought me a learn-to-knit book & needle starter kit for my birthday!) We decided I'm going to stay home when Lil Baby Stu #2 comes. I can handle 6 more months of work...I could not handle another 18+ months.
At any rate, this pregnancy has made me more physically miserable than I've ever been. I've never felt so horrible for so many weeks. It's forced me to slow down because otherwise my body just kind of shuts off and I can't function. I have a great husband, a great family, and great friends. I need to lean more on my support system and be grateful for the people God put around me.
I'm supposed to be coming up with a list of 10 things I can do to take care of myself. A list of how to relax and how to stay SarahFae and not get lost in the roles I play.
What are your suggestions for my list? Or, what is your list?
i completely understand what you are going through. my pregnancy with charley was the same way...there were definitely days i thought i couldn't take any more. i think the best thing for me was just getting out of the house...by myself. it didn't matter if i was going grocery shopping or hanging out with someone...i just needed down time away from the house for a little while. i'll be praying for you and that you can get some relaxing time in!
ReplyDeleteI think 2nd pregnancies are harder because you are still taking care of Baby #1 and can't just rest, take a nap, etc. whenever you want or need to.
ReplyDeleteThe word NO is also a good thing to learn. I'm not a good example of this, but I'm hoping you can learn from my bad example long before I did.
Also, a call to Aunt Denice the great and she will come over and take Hannah off your hands for a few hours, days or whatever you need! Your mom is all busy with those library classes so we wouldn't want to bother her with that. :) Seriously, yes I would drive to Edwardsville to babysit your daughter... just name the day!
I think time with your husband is important, too. Helps you remember you are a woman/wife, not just a mommy. Remember, he's here to stay, the kids are just passin' through! :)
(which brings me back to the whole babysitting offer...)
Love you!
Sometimes it sucks to be born in the first child position doesn't it? Because first borns are very likely to have aquired the perfectionism gene-and when it happens that something lets them know they are not perfect (although you are close in my book!) it is a hard fall. I'm so proud of you for going to a counselor who will help work through those things. Aunt Denice is right-no is a great word-and no I don't always remember that yet.
ReplyDeleteAnd, of course we would be happy to take Hannah off your hands for awhile, despite what Aunt Denice says! (She apparently doesn't think I read the comments posted here!!)
Most of all remember God made you a very special person-and he loves you no matter what. He wants you to relax and rest in Him.
Oh, and I would say while you may not think you are a super anything--I would say you are a super-daughter.
Love you lots!
mom