So, my pastor said something yesterday that I found profound. He said that we all tend to tell ourselves that we have "weaknesses" or "issues" or "problem areas". Well, truth is, that's a nice way of labeling our "sin". It's more difficult to face my "sins" than it is my "issues". Seriously, I never thought about it that way, but it's true. If it's just a weakness then I don't feel quite the need to address it like I would a sin. Ouch.
Funny thing is that I've been reading a book on discipline. Apparently, God gave me a "strong-willed" child, which I think is just a nice way of saying that I have a defiant sinful little 1 year old living at my house who thinks it's fine to run from mommy (while laughing) or pull my hair & hit me in the face. Well, these incidents tend to bring out my "weakness", which is anger and control. Nothing like a 1 year old grabbing a fist full of hair and hitting you in the face to make you get really angry and lose control, right?
So...my confession...I am an angry person. Yep, that's right. I was a door slammer growing up. Oh, I'm sorry, did I say growing up...I meant I'm a door slammer even currently if I get angry enough. (Nervous laughter...oops.) I tend to yell and get huffy and slam doors when I'm angry. Lately I've noticed that I react and respond that way when Hannah is misbehaving. (Yes, grandparents, it's true...she really isn't a perfect little angel.) The tricky part is that I certainly can't respond that way to her. Ok, I know I know, so I shouldn't respond that way to anyone or anything, but right now we're going to focus on how it affects me as a mother...only one thing at a time folks.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that I'm not the only one who gets angry with their children, especially when faced with the need to discipline them (i.e. they've done something that makes you really angry...paint on the floor, a slap in the face, screaming bloody murder just because they don't feel like getting in the carseat, etc., etc.). So, question to you all...moms and non-moms...how do you learn to calm down, deal with the situation, and discipline out of grace and love? Any magic pills, secret potions, or tried & true recipes to help calm down in the heat of the moment would be much appreciated.
SF
Monday, September 28, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Good Mom?
So, as Hannah is getting older and Lil Baby Stu #2 is getting closer to making his/her appearance I have been thinking a lot about what makes a good mom. I am going to assume that my thoughts, questions, and fears are "normal" and that there are lots of opinions on motherhood out there. It seems everyone is a judge of how we raise our children. Being the Type A person and perfectionist that I am, I fear failure and that includes failing as a mom. I would venture to guess that I'm not alone on that front. I'm reading a book called Shepherding a Child's Heart that has somewhat given me some freedom. It has reminded me that I am not the only influence on Hannah's life. Also, that she is her own person and will make her own choices and decisions based on her own thought process. For some reason I had convinced myself that if I was not perfect that I would be cause of any and all of her failures. Which meant mega guilt trip everytime I yelled at her and lost my temper with her or let her eat cheerios for every meal. I do have an insane amount of influence in her life, but she clearly lets it be known that she is her own person and will make her own choices in her own time...yes, she's 21 months old and she thinks that means 21 years old and many freedoms she's not yet been granted.
Chad got his wisdom teeth out & I learned the lesson
So, Chad had to get some dental work done on Monday morning. One wisdom tooth extraction and 3 cavities, one in each quadrant of his mouth, which equaled an entire mouth numbing experience. Now, given my tendency to have a panic attach in doctor offices, dentist offices, and hospitals I was a good wife and let him go by himself. He assured me that he would be fine to drive home by himself. (I did call the dentist after he got there to make sure that I didn't need to come get him...they also assured me he would fine to drive home.) He did finally call me mid-morning to let me know that he was home, well, using the best of my translation skills I translated what he said into meaning that he was home (he apparently had a lot of Novocaine). :) Since he was at home & out of the dentist office, I decided that it would probably be safe for me to see him, so I went home at lunch.
I walk in the door & he's watching a movie...a movie that I know for sure we don't own. I ask him, where did you get this movie. He responded with something that I translated into "from the library". Ok, so he apparently went to the library after he got his dental work done. I give him a slightly dirty look for not coming straight home and then went about my business. I proceed to the bathroom, as that's typically my first stop anywhere I go these days & it has now been prolonged by the library discussion. Well, I see the mop & bucket sitting in the tub. Hm, well that's certainly not where I left it...back out to the living room.
SF: "Um, baby, why is the mop & bucket in the bathtub?"
Chad: "I mopped the living room." (That's the translated version.)
SF: "You mopped?"
Chad: "Yes."
SF: "Why would you do that?"
Chad: "The floor stunk."
SF: "So, you got your mouth worked on. Your mouth is still so numb you can't talk. And you thought it would be a good idea to go to the library & then mop the living room floor?"
Chad: "Yes."
SF: "Um, baby, you're supposed to be resting! Now, stay on the couch & do not get up."
At this point I give him a very stern look and went about getting lunch for myself. I offered Chad some soup, which he declined because "he isn't supposed to eat anything hot or cold". I then offered him a drink and straw, which he declined because "he isn't supposed to use a straw". He then proceeds to show me the "rules" sheet they gave him. Now, I'm sure you can see the irony here...he will follow the clearly defined rules on eating & drinking, but the vague ones regarding rest are clearly optional.
Well, again, being the fine specimen of a wife that I am, I take his script to Walgreens to get his pain meds...apparently the simple extraction turned into a lot of pulling and tugging and finally cutting the tooth out because it was wrapped up in a nerve. And the fine people at Walgreens must apparently go through training when they get hired that gives them a different version of time than the rest of the world follows. So, the 15 minutes they told me actually meant 45 minutes...which meant I got a phone call as I was checking out from Chad wondering where his pain killers were. I finally get home where I have to do a mad search for my husband because he was not on the couch where I left him. He was at his computer preparing to do some work on QuickBooks.
SF: "Um, baby, what are you doing? Go lay down."
Chad: "I can't just lay there in pain. I need to do something. I'm going to work on my budget."
SF: "I got your medicine, now go lay down."
(Now, normally I would be thrilled that he's working on his budget, but under the pain-filled circumstances I think it's best we save the budget work until later.)
Here are my lessons:
1. I'm pretty crappy at serving my husband. I did pretty good for the first day & then I got tired. I'm going to work on that...I was the one who needed the attitude adjustment by day 2.
2. Rest when you need it! Don't push yourself too hard too fast to recover (physically or emotionally).
3. Tylenol-3 makes him nauseous. He does not appreciate comments about how many weeks I spent nauseous. Let him wallow in his own pain & misery & don't try to "outdo" him on misery.
SF
I walk in the door & he's watching a movie...a movie that I know for sure we don't own. I ask him, where did you get this movie. He responded with something that I translated into "from the library". Ok, so he apparently went to the library after he got his dental work done. I give him a slightly dirty look for not coming straight home and then went about my business. I proceed to the bathroom, as that's typically my first stop anywhere I go these days & it has now been prolonged by the library discussion. Well, I see the mop & bucket sitting in the tub. Hm, well that's certainly not where I left it...back out to the living room.
SF: "Um, baby, why is the mop & bucket in the bathtub?"
Chad: "I mopped the living room." (That's the translated version.)
SF: "You mopped?"
Chad: "Yes."
SF: "Why would you do that?"
Chad: "The floor stunk."
SF: "So, you got your mouth worked on. Your mouth is still so numb you can't talk. And you thought it would be a good idea to go to the library & then mop the living room floor?"
Chad: "Yes."
SF: "Um, baby, you're supposed to be resting! Now, stay on the couch & do not get up."
At this point I give him a very stern look and went about getting lunch for myself. I offered Chad some soup, which he declined because "he isn't supposed to eat anything hot or cold". I then offered him a drink and straw, which he declined because "he isn't supposed to use a straw". He then proceeds to show me the "rules" sheet they gave him. Now, I'm sure you can see the irony here...he will follow the clearly defined rules on eating & drinking, but the vague ones regarding rest are clearly optional.
Well, again, being the fine specimen of a wife that I am, I take his script to Walgreens to get his pain meds...apparently the simple extraction turned into a lot of pulling and tugging and finally cutting the tooth out because it was wrapped up in a nerve. And the fine people at Walgreens must apparently go through training when they get hired that gives them a different version of time than the rest of the world follows. So, the 15 minutes they told me actually meant 45 minutes...which meant I got a phone call as I was checking out from Chad wondering where his pain killers were. I finally get home where I have to do a mad search for my husband because he was not on the couch where I left him. He was at his computer preparing to do some work on QuickBooks.
SF: "Um, baby, what are you doing? Go lay down."
Chad: "I can't just lay there in pain. I need to do something. I'm going to work on my budget."
SF: "I got your medicine, now go lay down."
(Now, normally I would be thrilled that he's working on his budget, but under the pain-filled circumstances I think it's best we save the budget work until later.)
Here are my lessons:
1. I'm pretty crappy at serving my husband. I did pretty good for the first day & then I got tired. I'm going to work on that...I was the one who needed the attitude adjustment by day 2.
2. Rest when you need it! Don't push yourself too hard too fast to recover (physically or emotionally).
3. Tylenol-3 makes him nauseous. He does not appreciate comments about how many weeks I spent nauseous. Let him wallow in his own pain & misery & don't try to "outdo" him on misery.
SF
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
How 'bout a fight
So, all you children of the 80's ought to be able to help me out. For some strange odd reason I have a little ditty stuck in my head...sad part is that I can't even remember all the words! It's a little clapping/game/rhyme that the girls would play on the playground or in line or where ever we could without getting in trouble. And, here's what I remember...
"Hey girls how 'bout a fight...da da da da da...kissed a boy behind the magazine"
Yep, that's it, that's all I remember. Shoot, the way I'm losing my mind it could be two different ones combined together even.
If you happen to remember all the words & could send them my way I would very grateful!
"Hey girls how 'bout a fight...da da da da da...kissed a boy behind the magazine"
Yep, that's it, that's all I remember. Shoot, the way I'm losing my mind it could be two different ones combined together even.
If you happen to remember all the words & could send them my way I would very grateful!
Friday, September 18, 2009
Address to the Maternity Clothing Industry
I would like to address the maternity clothing industry for one moment. Please take to heart...otherwise all my hormonal ranting & raving will be for nothing. It's not wise to make a pregnant woman feel as though she exerted her energy for no reason.
First, let me remind you that just because I'm pregnant does not mean that I need puff sleeves on every shirt. I'm sure you intend your puff sleeves to help offset the ever-growing belly, however they do not do that. There is no real way to compensate for the growing belly. The puff sleeves really only accomplish making me look puffy everywhere and that is something that I do not need your help with. I seem to manage being puffy everywhere all on my own.
Second, can you please put a normal neckline on some of your shirts? I do realize that on a normal woman it might not be a huge deal, but trying to adjust to my larger-than-normal chest size is very difficult. I have come to the conclusion that all of your clothing must be designed by men who have never had to actually live in the pregnant body and whose hormones are the same as ever and who we all know tend to enjoy this one side of pregnancy. However, I do not appreciate that every shirt hits lower than normal (let me remind you that pregnancy acne isn't just on the face, folks).
Third, can you please find a way to make pants that have a crotch? Just because my stomach is growing doesn't mean that my legs have gotten longer or shorter. I do not enjoy the chafing or hideousness that this has caused me. I do need to stop and offer one huge thank you to Old Navy for figuring out to produce a fabulous pair of jeans! If the rest of you could figure out how to duplicate that pregnant women everywhere could start to look normal.
Thank you for taking all my suggestions to heart. Seeing as this is my final pregnancy I will not directly reap the benefits of my suggestions. But, as history has shown us there must be sacrifice on the part of those who have gone before in order to help future generations. If you need further suggestions please feel free to contact me as my opinions are in abundance.
First, let me remind you that just because I'm pregnant does not mean that I need puff sleeves on every shirt. I'm sure you intend your puff sleeves to help offset the ever-growing belly, however they do not do that. There is no real way to compensate for the growing belly. The puff sleeves really only accomplish making me look puffy everywhere and that is something that I do not need your help with. I seem to manage being puffy everywhere all on my own.
Second, can you please put a normal neckline on some of your shirts? I do realize that on a normal woman it might not be a huge deal, but trying to adjust to my larger-than-normal chest size is very difficult. I have come to the conclusion that all of your clothing must be designed by men who have never had to actually live in the pregnant body and whose hormones are the same as ever and who we all know tend to enjoy this one side of pregnancy. However, I do not appreciate that every shirt hits lower than normal (let me remind you that pregnancy acne isn't just on the face, folks).
Third, can you please find a way to make pants that have a crotch? Just because my stomach is growing doesn't mean that my legs have gotten longer or shorter. I do not enjoy the chafing or hideousness that this has caused me. I do need to stop and offer one huge thank you to Old Navy for figuring out to produce a fabulous pair of jeans! If the rest of you could figure out how to duplicate that pregnant women everywhere could start to look normal.
Thank you for taking all my suggestions to heart. Seeing as this is my final pregnancy I will not directly reap the benefits of my suggestions. But, as history has shown us there must be sacrifice on the part of those who have gone before in order to help future generations. If you need further suggestions please feel free to contact me as my opinions are in abundance.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
No Deal
We finally decided...no van. We just couldn't do it. I guess after you work so hard to pay off a vehicle it makes it harder to get rid of! We really love our car and in the end all that we would lose didn't make it worth all that we would gain. In case you're interested and even if you're not...here are the 3 main reasons.
1. We really like our car, it's easy for me to drive and get in & out of out.
2. We don't want to up our gas costs at a time when our income won't be as steady.
3. The only time we really need the extra room a van provides is when we go home to see our families...and surely we can all tough it out in the car for an hour & a half.
Bonus reason - I am sentimental. That was the car Chad bought me right before he deployed to Iraq and we paid it off mostly with army pay. I spent a long year & a half in that car when he was gone. I just couldn't part with it.
So there you have it. Who knew SarahFae couldn't handle that much change? I'm sure we'll end up with a van at some point, but just not now. :)
1. We really like our car, it's easy for me to drive and get in & out of out.
2. We don't want to up our gas costs at a time when our income won't be as steady.
3. The only time we really need the extra room a van provides is when we go home to see our families...and surely we can all tough it out in the car for an hour & a half.
Bonus reason - I am sentimental. That was the car Chad bought me right before he deployed to Iraq and we paid it off mostly with army pay. I spent a long year & a half in that car when he was gone. I just couldn't part with it.
So there you have it. Who knew SarahFae couldn't handle that much change? I'm sure we'll end up with a van at some point, but just not now. :)
Sunday, September 13, 2009
I got pregnant & turned into a hippie
Ok, so only partly hippie...and I'm blaming it mostly on the hormones. It all started one day when I decided to be ambitious (and by ambitious I mean the mold was getting really furry and almost starting to talk to me). It was going to be me against the bathtub. Well, it turned out to be me against the Tilex and I lost. (Ha, ok, so really Chad lost.) I couldn't stand the fumes so Chad got stuck finishing cleaning the bathtub. I decided there had to be a safer way to clean the bathroom without all the toxic chemicals. So, I started my search and from there I've been making all kinds of things from scratch instead of buying the toxic version from the store.
And, to put your minds at ease I've been doing some research as well and it turns out that we don't really need all the anti-bacterial cleaning products. Some studies have shown that they don't make a difference. After a year of using them, families still had the same germ count and type on their hands as families who didn't use the antimicrobial products. (Now, being pregnant, having a 1 year old, and with flu season coming I did keep my hand sanitizer & will insist on people using it who are holding the baby.)
So, here's what I've made so far & the links in case you decide to join me on my quest to single-handedly save the planet...well, at least save some money, save your house from toxins it doesn't need, and get some exercise. Have you ever zested an entire bar of soap...trust me, it counts as exercise.
Window cleaner - I'm not sure if I'll stick with this one or try just vinegar & water.
All purpose cleaner - I used the basic all purpose cleaner formula. I wouldn't recommend the one with alcohol and ammonia if you're trying to stay away from harsh chemicals. (Although I did try it & it does work really well.)
Laundry soap - I used Powdered Laundry Detergent - Recipe #4 (I found one bar of zested soap = 2 cups)
Learned the many uses of vinegar
Learned the many uses of baking soda
Foam soap - I did not add the glycerin or scented extract.
Baby wipes
And to be fair, the only reason I made the baby wipes was because I was completely out (I know, how could I have let that happen...again, must be hormones and tiredness). Anyways, Hannah has a massive explosion at 9 o'clock at night (I know, why was she even still awake at that time of day...again, hormones and tiredess). There was no way I was trekking it out to Wal-mart at 9PPM for baby wipes. I instead searched the internet and tada, made them myself. And I have to admit that we've had less diaper rash since we started using them. (And, yes, I still buy the occasional pack of baby wipes to throw in the diaper bag.)
I also got more rags and cloth napkins to use so I can use fewer paper towels and paper napkins...although Chad isn't real impressed with this because he says it takes so much more water, electricity, and gas to run the washer more often that I'm not saving any money or the environment. So, the jury is still out on this one.
I also bought a cloth shower curtain liner that is treated to be anti-mildew. When we get in the shower we put the curtain inside the tub and when we're done we put it back outside the tub so it can dry. This should mean less mildew and a cleaner bathtub!
I'm also looking for a good powdered dishwasher detergent recipe...the one I tried left a horrible film on all my dishes. I'll keep you posted if I find one.
At any rate, I didn't change everything overnight. I just made small changes here and there until I found formulas and systems that worked with our lifestyle. Let me know if you have any good cleaner/household recipes that you use...I'm always up for new things to try!
And, to put your minds at ease I've been doing some research as well and it turns out that we don't really need all the anti-bacterial cleaning products. Some studies have shown that they don't make a difference. After a year of using them, families still had the same germ count and type on their hands as families who didn't use the antimicrobial products. (Now, being pregnant, having a 1 year old, and with flu season coming I did keep my hand sanitizer & will insist on people using it who are holding the baby.)
So, here's what I've made so far & the links in case you decide to join me on my quest to single-handedly save the planet...well, at least save some money, save your house from toxins it doesn't need, and get some exercise. Have you ever zested an entire bar of soap...trust me, it counts as exercise.
Window cleaner - I'm not sure if I'll stick with this one or try just vinegar & water.
All purpose cleaner - I used the basic all purpose cleaner formula. I wouldn't recommend the one with alcohol and ammonia if you're trying to stay away from harsh chemicals. (Although I did try it & it does work really well.)
Laundry soap - I used Powdered Laundry Detergent - Recipe #4 (I found one bar of zested soap = 2 cups)
Learned the many uses of vinegar
Learned the many uses of baking soda
Foam soap - I did not add the glycerin or scented extract.
Baby wipes
And to be fair, the only reason I made the baby wipes was because I was completely out (I know, how could I have let that happen...again, must be hormones and tiredness). Anyways, Hannah has a massive explosion at 9 o'clock at night (I know, why was she even still awake at that time of day...again, hormones and tiredess). There was no way I was trekking it out to Wal-mart at 9PPM for baby wipes. I instead searched the internet and tada, made them myself. And I have to admit that we've had less diaper rash since we started using them. (And, yes, I still buy the occasional pack of baby wipes to throw in the diaper bag.)
I also got more rags and cloth napkins to use so I can use fewer paper towels and paper napkins...although Chad isn't real impressed with this because he says it takes so much more water, electricity, and gas to run the washer more often that I'm not saving any money or the environment. So, the jury is still out on this one.
I also bought a cloth shower curtain liner that is treated to be anti-mildew. When we get in the shower we put the curtain inside the tub and when we're done we put it back outside the tub so it can dry. This should mean less mildew and a cleaner bathtub!
I'm also looking for a good powdered dishwasher detergent recipe...the one I tried left a horrible film on all my dishes. I'll keep you posted if I find one.
At any rate, I didn't change everything overnight. I just made small changes here and there until I found formulas and systems that worked with our lifestyle. Let me know if you have any good cleaner/household recipes that you use...I'm always up for new things to try!
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