So, my pastor said something yesterday that I found profound. He said that we all tend to tell ourselves that we have "weaknesses" or "issues" or "problem areas". Well, truth is, that's a nice way of labeling our "sin". It's more difficult to face my "sins" than it is my "issues". Seriously, I never thought about it that way, but it's true. If it's just a weakness then I don't feel quite the need to address it like I would a sin. Ouch.
Funny thing is that I've been reading a book on discipline. Apparently, God gave me a "strong-willed" child, which I think is just a nice way of saying that I have a defiant sinful little 1 year old living at my house who thinks it's fine to run from mommy (while laughing) or pull my hair & hit me in the face. Well, these incidents tend to bring out my "weakness", which is anger and control. Nothing like a 1 year old grabbing a fist full of hair and hitting you in the face to make you get really angry and lose control, right?
So...my confession...I am an angry person. Yep, that's right. I was a door slammer growing up. Oh, I'm sorry, did I say growing up...I meant I'm a door slammer even currently if I get angry enough. (Nervous laughter...oops.) I tend to yell and get huffy and slam doors when I'm angry. Lately I've noticed that I react and respond that way when Hannah is misbehaving. (Yes, grandparents, it's true...she really isn't a perfect little angel.) The tricky part is that I certainly can't respond that way to her. Ok, I know I know, so I shouldn't respond that way to anyone or anything, but right now we're going to focus on how it affects me as a mother...only one thing at a time folks.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that I'm not the only one who gets angry with their children, especially when faced with the need to discipline them (i.e. they've done something that makes you really angry...paint on the floor, a slap in the face, screaming bloody murder just because they don't feel like getting in the carseat, etc., etc.). So, question to you all...moms and non-moms...how do you learn to calm down, deal with the situation, and discipline out of grace and love? Any magic pills, secret potions, or tried & true recipes to help calm down in the heat of the moment would be much appreciated.
SF
Friend, I hate to tell you, but a new baby in the mix will intensify the situation! Trust me, I'm in the same situation. I've heard the book "Shepherding A Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp is amazing and has been recommended to me by many people. I haven't started reading it, but you may look into it. Tarah & Jon D. give rave reviews!
ReplyDeleteOh no...I'm pretty worried about what will happen when the new one comes. It will be intense at our house for a while for sure! That's funny that you would mention that book...that's one of the books I'm currently reading! I would highly recommend it...it does seem to be helping. I still get worked up but at least now I'm working on getting a good plan on how to handle the discipline part with Hannah.
ReplyDeleteWell.....where to begin? First, let me say I've seen what happens when Hannah grabbed a handful of your hair and I thought you did a wonderful job of handling yourself and her. (Of course I thought it was very funny and can't imagine what you are talking about when you say she isn't a perfect angel!)
ReplyDeleteNext, I think you are right...when the new baby comes things will become more intense. Not necessarily because Hannah is misbehaving more (see above comment) but because you will be more tired and it will seem like things are more out of control. So the moral is sleep when the babies sleep. The laundry and house will be there when you get up.
And last, we all can become angry and out of control in the right circumstance. Remember when Timothy was younger??? But the trick is to remember how a loving God disciplines us and follow his example. Will you fail at times??? of course!! Remember the cough syrup story?? But I think the trick is to make sure you kids know you love them, apologize when appropiate, and work on your "issues" with the same loving God that blessed you with your children.
Remember, I often felt exactly what you are describing. And in spite of all my mistakes I have the 4 best kids on the planet. Lucky me!!
Sarah, let me start by saying how beautiful and courageous it is to let us all share in your "issues" and to confess it all. I'd like to add that I'm sure that it is perfectly normal to feel like you've mishandled bad behavior but God has given you the tools you need to cope. I personally feel like I have failed more than succeeded with Kiera but that is usually in the comfort of my own home. Rare is the tantrum that is performed for those not in our close circle of family and friends (if you take a good look at your little Hannah you will probably see a similar pattern). Kiera is growing too...just as I am, and my only hope for each day is to learn something from the mistakes I've made or allowed her to make. Good luck and remember there are no magic potions...after all perfect children would make for a very boring world!
ReplyDeleteHope you are well!! Good Luck
I'm not sure how I feel about all of Mom's examples of "strong willed" children were of me, no matter how accurate that may be.
ReplyDeleteI definitely understand where you are coming from. Justus is a very strong willed child. I can get frustrated and overwhelmed rather quickly...especially when Charley is screaming her head off or Matthias is crying because Justus decided to push him and take his toy away. I don't have any great advice, but I think the best thing for me is to remove myself from the problem (or send Justus to his room) for 30 seconds (sometimes longer) in order to calm down so that I don't act out of my frustration, which is really hard sometimes and I don't always succeed. I've learned that I prayed for patience and God gave me a strong willed child.
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